After a breakup, especially if it has been a long relationship, it is common for fears and insecurity to appear when it comes to having sex with people other than the previous partner.
Why do you experience these feelings?
There is a part of mourning and farewell, so it is normal that fears, sadness and decreased sexual desire arise, it is a sign that our body is not emotionally prepared and needs some time.
After a long relationship we have become accustomed to a routine and when we have not shared our skills with other people for a long time, we wonder if the new person will like me, if I will feel desired or if we will meet the expectations, and this affects the intimate relationship with another person where we are going to undress physically and emotionally.
Each person is different and one cannot generalize as to how these emotions are experienced and resolved.
Security and trust
After a long relationship it is possible that sexual relations had a large component of security and trust.
On the other hand, starting with another person means getting to know another way of experiencing sexuality and, if you combine the need to satisfy and to please, there are several factors that can fuel insecurity.
Resuming sexual activity after a breakup can lead to shame for showing oneself to another person, self-criticism, fear of rejection and guilt that it is too soon to be with another person.
All this can lead to anxiety which, in turn, can even turn into physical symptoms such as erectile dysfunction or difficulty in experiencing orgasm. In other words, the person is so focused on his or her sexual partner and pleasing him or her that he or she experiences the encounter with tension and stress.
The routine established by the previous partner, the sadness after the breakup and the uncertainty of being with a new person are factors that provoke fears and insecurities when having sex after ending a romantic relationship.
Each person must live it in a certain way because depending on the emotional wounds of each relationship, they must be repaired in one way or another before opening up to another person either emotionally or sexually.
How to manage these feelings
On how to manage the feelings that a person has when resuming their sex life after a breakup, first pay attention to the emotions that one feels and work on them.
Then, express oneself with the new partner, share emotions and feelings and talk about sexuality. It is important to create a context of comfort between the two people.
On the other hand, when feelings of guilt or comparisons with previous partners appear, try to identify why these feelings arise internally:
You may feel that you are making a mistake, that you are doing badly, that you are not enough, that you do not deserve the good that is happening to you….
In the end, this situation is only revealing the insecurities and internal conflicts that the person already had and that perhaps were covered by being in the so-called comfort zone.
Close the wound of the breakup, without reproaches or resentment, forgiving our ex-partner and ourselves; as well as being grateful for being able to embark on new paths.